The Heart Doesn't Choose who it Wants
by authorjazmyne
Summary: Addison/Meredith Addison and Meredith have been having an affair for the past six months while Addison is still married to Derek. ONE SHOT Slightly smutty.


Pairing: Addison/Meredith

ONE SHOT

A/N: Okay... there was no prom sex, Meredith doesn't date Finn and well obviously Meredith isn't celibate. Please review so I know on what I need to work on for future stories.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

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A knock on my office door startles me as I'm going through my bag making sure I have all the things I'll need to take with me to her house. I knew it was her, but I wasn't ready to go so I ignore the knock and continue to grab things and throw it into my purse. Another knock and I grab my things and rush to the door. I opened the door and she pushes me back into the office and I find myself pushed against my door and my purse is on the floor. Normally I would object to the kissing in my office, but we haven't been able to see each other outside the hospital in a week and I've missed the contact. The kiss was full of need and desire on both our parts and I could feel her hands playing along the waistband of my skirt and I have to push her off to stop her.

"Not yet; not here." I say to her and she nods in response. I run a hand through my hair, which became a mess as we kissed. I see her do the same and then she wipes my lipstick off of her darkened lips. I look in my bag for a tube of lipstick and reapply it to my lips. I shiver as I feel Meredith run a finger across my neck. It takes all my willpower not to push her against the desk and rip her clothes off. "Come on," I say as I open the door.

"I've missed you so much," she whispers in my ear as she walks past me and into the hallway of the hospital.

I smile towards her as I close my door, "I've missed you too, Mer." We walk to the elevator in silence and then when the doors open I see the last person I wanted to see. There Derek was, with his bag in his hand and a smile on his face. I'm pretty sure that smile was there because of Meredith, but I don't care because I have what he wants. I'm the one who gets to touch her and he will never be able to do that again in his life. But then I remember as long as I'm still married to him I really have no say in who Meredith sleeps with. But deep down inside I know she wouldn't sleep with him, I know she only wants to be with me and I know she only wants me to be with her as well.

I don't look at neither of them while we are in the elevator, but I know for a fact that her eyes are all over me and his are on her. I cringe at the thought of him undressing her with his eyes, it almost makes me want to kiss her right now so he knows who she really wants. But I would be stupid to do that because I know that I would be destroying any chance I have of getting him to love me properly. The only question is if I actually want him to love me because she really is all I need. Yet, I can't seem to turn away from him.

The ding of the elevator opening brings me out of my reverie, and for the tiniest moment I forget who I was on this elevator with. I almost walk away with him, but all I need is a glimpse of Meredith's blonde hair and I remember, it is her that I'm going home with. Meredith walks to her car and I walk to mines and separately we drive to her house, but both of us knowing what is to come when we reach our destination. When I get to her house she is leaning up against her car and I smile at her as I park my car.

It seems like it takes forever to reach her, even though I know it was only a few seconds. "Hey," I say in a soft tone as I peck her on the lips, softly.

"I almost thought you weren't coming," I can hear in her voice that she's serious and it nearly breaks my heart that she would think that.

"I always do, don't I?" I bring my lips to hers, but don't kiss her. My lips hover over hers and I can feel the want, the desire that we both share.

She licks her lips and her tongue quickly brushes against my bottom lip. "Yeah, you do," I was so distracted that it took me a few seconds to remember what it was that I had said to her. "How about we go inside?" I don't say anything, just walk towards the door with her hand in mines. She unlocks the door and we walk to the kitchen. I take my usual seat and she grabs two cups out of a cabinet, rinses them and places them on the table. "Lemonade or iced-tea?"

"Whatever you're having." She smiles and then walks to the fridge, my eyes never leave her body and I think she knows it. There's an extra sway in her hips and it makes it harder to keep my hands to myself, but I know that I'm not supposed to touch her in the kitchen. She pours us both a glass of lemonade and then takes the seat across from me and just looks into my eyes, which makes me blush.

Her friends know that we are friends, I've actually started to look at them as my friends, but nobody knows that we are more than friends. I know Meredith wants them to know, but I don't want anyone to know, not yet. I know that sooner or later her friends will find out, I actually find it strange that they haven't figured it out. I spend every night here when Derek is on call and a few when I just want to get away from him (like tonight), we even go out together. In fact, it's hard to believe that Derek hasn't even realized that Meredith and I are friends, but then again he's always been naive.

I take a sip of my lemonade and look back up at her. "Meredith?"

"Hmm," she hums.

I sit up in my seat and put both my hands on one of hers, she doesn't pull away, and that makes me smile to myself. "I was wondering," I take a deep breath, "in a few months I'm going away to Cancun." I stop again because I didn't know it was going to be this hard to ask her to come with me. She smiles at me, but I feel a tightness in chest when I think that she may not want to come with me. I remove my hands from her hand and busy them with a loose string on something on the table. "I want you to come with me," I blurt out and I feel the tightness go away when I see a bright smile across her beautiful face. I love seeing her smile like this, she doesn't smile like this often, but when she does my heart melts.

She doesn't say anything; instead she leans across the table and cups the back of my neck, pulling me closer to her. Our lips touch and I feel an electric charge go up and down my spine. You would think that I would be used to the feeling of her lips on mine since we've been kissing each other for about six months now, but each kiss feels like the first one. I feel her tongue glide against my lip and then she softly sucks on it and I open my mouth to her searching tongue. I feel butterflies in my stomach as our tongues caress each other. Her hands find their way into my hair and mine land on her arms, the only thing I can reach with the table between us.

I stand up slowly and we meet on the side of the table, our lips never parting, I can hear my heart racing more than I can feel it. She smells like lavender, the smell is assaulting my nose in the most pleasurable way. She sits on the table and pulls me closer to her, one of her thighs between mines, and I can feel how much she wants me right now. She pulls away from the kiss and slowly kisses my cheek, along my jaw, my neck and finally she's on the hollow of my neck. A moan comes from deep in my throat as she kisses one of the most sensitive spots on my body.

It wasn't until she starts to unbutton my shirt that I remember we are still in her kitchen. "Meredith," it comes out with a shaky breath, but she stops and looks up to me. My heart nearly stops when I see the look in her eyes, lust and desire, but there's something else. "We're in your kitchen," my matter-of-fact tone slightly faltered with my shaky breath.

She looks around as if she's just realizing that and smiles at me. "Come upstairs with me," it sounds more like a plea than a request.

I pick up my bag and we walk up to her room quietly, not to disturb Izzie, who I know is in her room asleep. I close the door behind us and she pulls me towards her bed and we sit down facing each other. In the beginning it was different, we rushed through all of this and went straight to the sex. But now we take the time to kiss, to touch, to remember and at first it scared me to be this intimate, but now I can't live without it.

I stroke her cheek with my thumb as my hand rests on her face. "You're so beautiful," I whisper. Under my palm I can feel a smile form and then I'm smiling along with her. I push her hair away from her face with my free hand and look into her eyes. The two of us both lean into one another and our lips crash into each other's. Her lips are soft against mine, her breath hot and her tongue demanding entrance to my awaiting mouth. She doesn't have to wait long because soon my mouth is open to hers and our tongues are fighting a war for dominance. The feeling of her tongue against the roof of my mouth invokes something in me, I straddle her waist and push us down on the bed.

I pull away from the kiss once I start to feel lightheaded and I hear her groan and I know it's because she misses the contact. I love that I know these little things about her, it makes this different from any ordinary time someone cheats, it makes it more real. I give her what she wants and latch my lips against her once again and my hands slide against every part of her body I can reach. I slip my hand between our bodies and cup one of her breast with it and she moans into my mouth. I feel the pebble harden under my touch and I want to feel her skin against my skin instantly.

I sit up on her and we look into each other eyes, I'm sure my eyes mirror the glazed look in hers and it makes a small smile appear. She starts to unbutton my shirt, with each button I grow more and more aroused and it's driving me crazy. My unbuttoned shirt is pulled off my body and thrown onto her floor and I'm being rolled over onto my back, so that she's on top. Her blonde hair tickles my skin as she places soft kisses down my body, slowly sliding herself off of me. In the pit of my stomach I can feel that all-too-familiar feeling that she seems to always cause, and I know that if I don't feel her hands on me soon I might just die. Okay, I wont, but I'll be pretty close to dying.

Her tongue dips into my belly button and I shiver. Her kisses continue further down and I feel a hand going up my legs and then my thighs and my skirt is being pulled up to my waist. I moan as my hands travel up her flat stomach, tentatively grazing over ribs until I can cup firm breast. I extract my hands from her body only long enough to pull her shirt off of her head, exposing creamy white skin. My mind drifts away momentarily and it isn't until I see her looking into my eyes that I realize it.

I roll us back over so I can take her pants off. I pull down the pants along with her black boy shorts and throw them down to the floor, quickly moving up to capture her lips in mine. As we kiss she slides her hands down my back, down to the zipper off my skirt and she unzips it. I moan into her mouth as she cups my ass.

I hear a noise out in the hallway and automatically jump up, feeling ridiculous afterward. Meredith looks at me with confusion written all over her face. "What's wrong?"

I turn to the door and sit on the bed beside her. "I thought I heard something, but it was probably just Izzie in the bathroom or something."

She smiles and then moves over to me. "You want me to go make sure?" I shake my head and she takes that as her sign to touch me again and I'm glad she does. She removes my bra and I follow suit, removing hers. Meredith pulls me up and we are standing next to the bed. My skirt falls down to the floor and then my panties follow after she hooks her fingers into them and pulls them painfully slow.

She pushes her naked body against mines and we both sigh with content. This is a feeling I have grown to love, to want, to desires. In her arms I almost forget that I'm married to Derek, I almost forget that he wants to be with her and I almost forget that I can't go on like this. Almost. I nuzzle my face into her blonde waves and inhale deeply. My nose is filled with a smell that can only be categorized as 'Meredith' and I can't get enough. My hands snake around her waist and I pull her as close as we can physically get and I can feel her heart beat against my chest. Or maybe I just feel my heart pounding, but I know automatically that her heart is pounding as well.

We don't kiss, we don't really touch, we just hold each other. She pulls us to the bed and I'm almost certain that neither off us really care if we have sex right now. She strokes my face as we settle onto our sides. "Of course I'll go with you," she says in that sweet voice that I love, but I honestly have no clue what she's talking about.

"Huh?"

She clears her throat and puts her hand on my chest, above my heart. "You asked if I wanted to go away with you. So my answer is yes, I would go anywhere with you."

My heart warms and I feel my eyes start to water. I lean in and kiss her softly and she kisses me back instantly. "I love you," I whisper against her lips and I'm shocked by the words that come out of my mouth. It's not like I didn't know I was falling for her, it's just that I never expected to let her know.

I can see in her widen eyes that she wasn't expecting it either. She closes her eyes and whispers back, "I love you too." And I know it's the truth because I see it in her eyes almost every day.

I untangle our limps and press soft kisses to her creamy skin, kissing a trail down her naked, shivering body. I skip over the one place I know she wants me most; instead I continue my journey down to her ankles. I love the taste of her skin, it's almost as good as the taste of her come, almost as good as the taste of her mouth, but not quite as good. I kiss up one leg all the way to her knee, repeat on the other and then lift her leg so I can kiss behind her knees. She trembles in my hands as my tongue moves along that soft sensitive spot. I smile on her and continue for a little while, reveling in the sound of the sweet groans that feel my ears with every touch.

I place her legs on my shoulders and kiss the inside of her thighs. The flat of my tongue runs against each thigh, my breath making goosebumps appear on the wet skin. I put my tongue to her slick folds, tasting the effects of my touch. She's groans as my tongue barely touches her clit and I hear her whimper when I bring the sensitive bud into my mouth. She moans loudly and I move away from her clit, dipping my tongue into her, tasting her.

She pulls me up to kiss her and as my lips seek hers blindly, my fingers seek entrance into her. One finger, then a second and I slowly push them in and out, creating a rhythm. I lift my body off of the blonde slightly, place my hand between the two of us and palm her left breast. She bites my lip, eliciting a moan out of me. I use my body weight to push my fingers into her with more force, curling them up and hitting that spot that makes her whimper. She moans and groans in my mouth and I feel myself become embarrassingly wet.

She pulls her head away from the kiss and lets out a loud breath. I trail kisses to the valley between her firm breast and lick at the salty skin. I hear sigh as she says my name and I smile as I lick my way to a hardened nipple. She withered with pleasure and I take the pebble into my mouth, rolling it and softly biting it. I tease her nipple as my fingers pump in and out of her, my palm rubbing against her with each thrust.

"Oh. My. God." Meredith purrs in a husky tone. Her hips start to buck and I know that she's close. I kiss my way to her clit and bring it into my mouth, sucking and gently nibbling it. I add a third finger into the mix and I can feel her instantly clench around them. "Addie... I'm so... close. Addie."

I moan in response to the way she moans my name, "then come for me Mer. Just come for me." No more than five seconds pass by and her walls are tight on my fingers, her hands are fisting the sheets and she is moaning incoherent words. I slow the movement of my fingers and remove my mouth from her swollen clit. When I'm sure I've helped her ride out her orgasm as far as she can handle I still my fingers, but don't remove them, and move up to kiss her. With my free hand I soothe her, brushing wet hair out of her face as I kiss her lips.

When she's come back from her high she rolls us over so she's on top of me. She pins my hands above my head as she kisses me passionately, feverishly. I moan and rock my hips against her thigh. She lets me at first, but then pulls away, and it nearly kills me. I need her to touch me, I need to feel her inside me, I need her to make me come.

I'm panting as she thrust her fingers against me, almost violently, and her mouth is on my abdomen. She sucks on my stomach, bruising it, but I don't care because this is one of my biggest erogenous zones. My phone starts to ring and I know I need to get it, but I don't want to move away from Meredith's touch. I ignore it and once it stops ringing I hear it start again. Meredith gets off of me and gets my bag for me.

I get out my phone and see that it's Derek and I reluctantly answer it. "Yes?" I'm sure he can hear the annoyance in my voice, but it's the least of my worries right now.

"I was just wondering if you had planned on coming home any time soon."

Meredith starts to kiss her way back up to my throbbing clit and I have to bite my lip to hold in a moan. I swat her away and then give my attention back to the phone. "No, I hadn't planned on it." I take a deep breath when I feel Meredith's tongue on my clit and it feels so good that I can't move away. "Look, now isn't really a good time. I'll see you at work tomorrow." And, even though I'm trying really hard to not moan I can't help it. I let out a deep guttural moan. I go to cover my mouth, but I know it's too late. I move back from Meredith and close my legs together.

"What was that?" The anger in his voice is thick and it almost scares me. "Did you just moan?"

"No," I say too fast and I cringe on the inside. I see Meredith get up out of the corner of my eye and it kills me when I see the sadness in her eyes.

"Addison." He yells into the phone.

I sigh and grab Meredith's hand and pull her to the bed with me and we sit. "Like I said, this is not a good time. I have to go, we can talk about this later." I hang up the phone and look over to Meredith. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

"For what? For being married?" Meredith scoffs.

The tone of her voice hurts and I visibly grimace. "No... well I am, but that's not what I was saying sorry for. I'm sorry about the phone call, I didn't expect him to call me." I hear her sigh and I look up at her. Her lip quivers and her eyes look like at any minute now they will spill over and this aches my heart. "Oh, baby, don't cry," I coo and she immediately falls into my arms and does just that.

She looks up at me with teary eyes and kisses my lips. Her tears burn me like fire, but her lips soothe me. I want to tell her it will be okay, but the one thing I've never done to her is lie and I have no intention on doing so now. I know I want it to all be okay, I want for this to work out perfectly, I want things to be easier, but I know these wants are hopeless. Instead, I kiss her lips back with all the emotion in my body and I can feel her doing the same. I cup her cheek and I can tell the tears have stopped and I feel her hand on my cheek.

"We can't do this anymore," she says as she pulls away from the kiss.

I feel something catch in my throat and I blink away the tears that threaten to spill. "What do you mean?"

She sighs against my chest and looks up at me again. "We can't continue this relationship. I've already almost ended your marriage and honestly, I do not want to do it again. Simply, I'm saying I don't want to be with a married person, and you are very much married."

"Okay," is all I can manage to say as I get up and gather my clothes. I start to cry and I can't control it anymore, the words hurt like nothing I've felt before. I don't know what I expected her to say, I just know that wasn't it, especially after we just shared our love for one another.

She watches me a few short moments and then stands up and puts her hand on my arm. "You can stay the night, you don't have to go home this late." I can hear in her voice that she is hoping I stay, that she wants me here, but she just told me she wants to end this. "We can still be friends," she adds in as an afterthought.

I shake my head, "no. I can't handle being your friend alone, I would want so much more from you. I think I should just go now," I pull my skirt up and zip it over my blouse. I pick my bag up of the floor by the door, take my keys out and puts the bag on my shoulder. "Bye, Meredith." I say in a soft voice as I open the door and walk out. At the stairs I feel her stop me and the tears start again.

"Please," she pleads. "Forget what I said and just stay," she begins to cry again and her hold on my arm tightens. "Don't leave me... don't ever leave me... just... stay."

"Meredith," I croak.

"Please," she pleads once more and I bring her to me and kiss her.

"Okay," I say against her lips. "I'm right here baby." We sink to the floor and she falls into my arms, sobbing.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but my arms started to fall asleep and her robe clad body started to grow heavy with sleep. I move and she wakes up with the lost of contact and we walk back into her bedroom and lie down. As we both fall asleep I think of all the reasons I love her and all the reasons why I'm going to leave Derek tomorrow. I think of how I want to spend the rest of my nights cuddled into her body like this and how I don't care who knows anymore because I love Meredith Grey, and I plan on letting her know every day from now, until I die.


End file.
